he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
