Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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