just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
