I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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