After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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