Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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