You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
