she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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