i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
