I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
