She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
they're like a gay fantastic four
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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