I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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