i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
A+ Viking dick
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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