i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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