I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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