i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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