Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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