I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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