i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
