Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
