And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
it's like iHOP with fire
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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