Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize