Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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