and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
PANTIES FOUND
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