Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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