Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
