WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
