Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
