In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize