The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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