I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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