I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
