Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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