were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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