Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
i now understand why vodka
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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