I want to have your abortion
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
