Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Everyone says I win the strip club
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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