you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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