u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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