The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Alive.
So much puke
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
