The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
