I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Found the puke drawer
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
