mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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