Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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