Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
