Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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