Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
