my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
