If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
