I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
