my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
it's like heaven, but drunker
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
