I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Four minutes until I can fart!
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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