i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
