I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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