before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
