Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
