You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
