She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
two words...techno handjob
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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