If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
