Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Boobs are out for the taking
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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