Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
