I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
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