I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
