I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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