So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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