Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
