These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
