I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
