if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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