Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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